Shame! It seeps into your skin so quickly. While I was looking for a picture to include on this blog, I felt it start to take over my brain like fog coming in over the water. In this ongoing conversation about weight, shame is cancer. It destroys you from the inside out. It is hard to detect if you are not actively looking for it. Shame says things like:
I am a failure.
I am weak.
I am lazy.
I am broken.
I am not likeable.
I am not lovable.
Just typing those lines, I feel a heaviness inviting me to agree those statements are true. Shame says “I am bad.” vs Guilt that says “I did something bad.” That nuance is important. When you are in that space just BEFORE you quit a diet, you are judging yourself all over the place and your internal voice is very skilled at using blame against you. Shame is all over you – like someone poured a bucket of slime over your head.
Grab Tool #2 – Your body always knows and let’s see how shame feels in your body. Some of you will say “I don’t feel shame.” That is one of the tricks shame plays. It disguises itself as guilt or as anxiety or as overwhelm. Every human person feels shame.
Shame is easier to identify when it is coming from another person aimed at you OR when you are aiming it at another person. Your parents use shame as a form of discipline. Your peers use shame to coerce you into being one of the crowd. If you are a parent, you very likely use it on your own kids to get them to stop a behavior you find offensive. You use it against your spouse to get them to compromise and agree with you. They use it on you in reverse. You know shame, it is woven into all personal relationships. For those of us on this weight journey, it is the hammer that our inner mean girl uses to beat us over the head.
How does shame feel in your body? Does it make you shrink and hide? Does it feel like standing naked and exposed? Does it feel like downcast eyes that cry all the time? Does it feel like you are invisible? Does it feel like you are in a begging posture? Yes, shame is that destructive. You don’t dare speak it to anyone because then you confirm that it is true about you. AND it grows – it metastasizes in your body just like cancer – eating away at your confidence, your joy, your quality of life.
Is it any wonder you haven’t lost weight with all that going on inside? How do you break out of that cycle? Shame cannot survive in the light. The minute you speak it, it starts to diminish. That’s why hiring a coach is so effective. You invest in yourself when you show up for your appointment. It is a safe space to speak your feelings so that you can learn the skill of feeling them and letting them go. Having a coach while you are losing weight is especially effective because it creates a checkpoint for shame. Your coach helps you formulate the stories you tell yourself about how hard you are trying, how much effort you are expending, how successful you are, what challenges you are facing. She points out shame as it shows up and teaches you how to say “No thank you” to weaving it into your history. That makes all the difference in the world.
What are your shame stories? Most of us have at least one. They can follow us for a lifetime and they are always poison. In the program I am creating for you, we will talk in depth about shame. How to recognize it, how to feel it, how to release it. Shame is the root of the reason you are still on this journey. I am so excited to help you dig that root out so that you can have the life you’ve been working so hard to achieve.
What is your body feeling right now? Mine feels mentally spent. Wrestling with shame is not an easy task but it is the beginning of real healing. All that weight on your body is begging you for your full undivided attention. You can do this. I will help you.
I love every one of you and am aiming my kindness in your direction until you are able to point your own kindness at you. You are NOT your weight. You have NOT waited too long. Your body is NOT broken.
If you know you are ready to invest in yourself and want on the early notification list once this product is live, fill in your information in the box at the bottom of this post. Until then, be well.
I love you my Voluptuous Beauties! Mean it!
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