I woke up in a funk this morning. We’ve been in our new house for 3 months and have been in some version of contractor land for the entire time. This week’s project is kitchen. For three months, we have eaten what could be cooked in a crockpot, electric wok or one burner hot plate. All this while I am actively working on changing my history with food. Sprinkle in island time as a factor. If you’ve never lived on island time, it moves slow. Now if you’re just in hanging out mode, that is a plus but if you’re trying to get a functional kitchen, not so much.
Normally, I do some significant thought work the night before. Contractors being here means I have to leave in order to talk to clients. Hard to concentrate with all that man noise in the background. Somehow I missed that step last night and I woke up with simultaneous thoughts.
- I have a client in an hour.
- Is that the contractor I hear downstairs?
In an instant, tears of frustration overtook me. I hadn’t anticipated leaving the house for my call. My brain flooded with “Its not fair”, “When is this ever going to be over”, “I didn’t sign up for this”, and all manner of other negative sentences. As I stumbled downstairs to make coffee, my boyfriend and the contractor (who we know well by now) gave me sincere good mornings and then generously made way for my not so pleasant self to set up the coffee pot.
Now in another life, before thought work, this would have resulted in a miserable day and most likely a fight with my boyfriend in front of the contractor about how this was ALL his fault and if he would only do things according to my manual for him (I have all the answers, right?) then I could be happy. Most of the couples I know have some version of that fight on a fairly regular basis.
But thankfully, I have these new skills. I know for sure that any emotion I’m feeling, even these nasty ones this morning, come out of my own thoughts. I’ll admit that as I was learning these skills, I said “Yeah, but…..” ALOT! My teacher pointed out that she was not upset by the things happening in my house and neither were the neighbors. If it was my boyfriends fault, then why wasn’t everyone upset? It’s hard for us to admit that we create our own drama but once we get over our own pride, it is completely empowering. If you are creating your negative feelings, you can just as easily make a different choice.
I’ve had a wonderful day. My boyfriend held the space for me to work thru my own emotions. He didn’t try to fix it but he also did not dismiss my feelings. I was aware that my task was to stay in my own lane, to own choosing the ugly thoughts, to feel them only as long as I had to and to then consider the other choices available to me. I love my new house and very much want these talented contractors to make it even yummier! My client was unaware that I was displaced for our call. We had a very productive conversation and most of all I kept my power. I made myself calm just like I created the drama. I’ve earned the respect of my boyfriend once again for not making something his fault that never was. And I got to have a wonderful day in paradise instead of being miserable.
If you’d like to learn these skills, I’d love to teach you. It is more than simple thought switching. It is truly understanding why certain thoughts show up automatically and why the negative ones are more prevalent. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment here. Let’s talk.
TTFN – ta ta for now
Love you, Mean it!!!
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